Tag Archives: Emotional Bonds

Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating? (Part 3) – Building a Life Together

Nothing helps clarify your values like being in an intimate, committed relationship. We are often unaware of our deeply held values and goals. But when your partner-to-be says or does something that runs afoul of one of them, you might … Continue reading

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Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating? (Part 2): “It Takes a Village”

For most of history, your pool of potential marriage partners was limited to the people who lived in your village. You knew just about everything there was to know about each of them. Today it’s often the case that the … Continue reading

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Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating?

Once upon a time, getting married was easy. Your parents chose your mate for you, you had little or no say in the matter, and you got what you got. If you were lucky or blessed, it was a good … Continue reading

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Couple Therapy, Part 3: Your Relationship Dance – Injury-Prone, or Intimate?

We watch “Dancing with the Stars” and shows like it to be inspired by the artistry of the contestants. But some of the celebrity contestants, sincere though they may be, inspire our sympathy rather than our admiration. When a couple comes … Continue reading

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Couple Therapy, Part 2: “Naked and Unashamed”

In my previous blog, I discussed how a couple therapist serves as a “lifeguard” for relationships. The therapist calms the couple’s panic, listens empathetically and normalizes their experience of woundedness. As the couple and the therapist collaborate in the healing process, … Continue reading

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Creating Community Part 2: Tzimtzum and Empathic Listening

According to the sixteenth century Jewish mystic Isaac Luria, when God decided to create the world, since He filled the entire universe, He found it necessary to withdraw Himself. Without this process of creative withdrawing, which Luria called tzimtzum, “there … Continue reading

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Creating Community Part 1: Show Up and Speak Up

Imagine if, when we left our homes tomorrow morning, every one of us saw our secret thoughts and feelings spelled out in neon lights above our heads. Would we be horrified? Would we rush to throw a blanket over our … Continue reading

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Good Grieving Part 1: What is Grieving?

Grieving is a master concept that helps explain many of the issues that clients bring into therapy. Learning the practice of “good grieving” helps bring healing within and between people. “Good grieving” is the process of responding and adjusting to … Continue reading

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Do Therapists Go to Therapy?

Monday, January 12th, 1998, 10:00am. My wife and I are sitting in the office of a marriage therapist in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. The therapist sits across from us, and invites my wife to talk about the pain she’s experiencing in … Continue reading

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Grow, Grow!

It is written in the Talmud (the most important text in traditional Judaism), “Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it, whispering, ‘Grow, grow!’” It is the destiny of every little blade of grass to become all … Continue reading

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