Tag Archives: Dr. Jay Feld

Building a Solid, Stable Life: Community (Part 3)

Part of the hard work of building a solid, stable, lasting foundation for our lives is the willingness to take your own inventory. An inventory tells you what you have too little of, too much of, and what’s just right, … Continue reading

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Building a Solid, Stable Life: Community (Part 2)

The storms of life test the quality of the house we’ve built for ourselves. If we’ve built well, we will be kept safe in the storm; if not, we’ll find ourselves with a leaky roof and water in our basement, … Continue reading

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Building a Solid, Stable Life: Community (Part 1)

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love.” Reinhold Niebuhr In October 2012, the New York City area felt the fury of Hurricane Sandy. The hurricane was responsible for about a hundred … Continue reading

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Big-Log-Removers Anonymous

Imagine an emergency room doctor trying to remove a small splinter from her patient’s eye. Now image that the doctor has a telephone pole protruding from her own eye! How can the doctor see clearly enough to help her patient, … Continue reading

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Get Ready, Get Set, Change!

You know when to change the oil in your car, because the windshield sticker has the 3-months/3,000 miles date on it. You know when it’s time to change the baby’s diaper because … well, you just know! But how do … Continue reading

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Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating? (Part 3) – Building a Life Together

Nothing helps clarify your values like being in an intimate, committed relationship. We are often unaware of our deeply held values and goals. But when your partner-to-be says or does something that runs afoul of one of them, you might … Continue reading

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Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating? (Part 2): “It Takes a Village”

For most of history, your pool of potential marriage partners was limited to the people who lived in your village. You knew just about everything there was to know about each of them. Today it’s often the case that the … Continue reading

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Can We Make Sense of Dating and Mating?

Once upon a time, getting married was easy. Your parents chose your mate for you, you had little or no say in the matter, and you got what you got. If you were lucky or blessed, it was a good … Continue reading

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Couple Therapy, Part 3: Your Relationship Dance – Injury-Prone, or Intimate?

We watch “Dancing with the Stars” and shows like it to be inspired by the artistry of the contestants. But some of the celebrity contestants, sincere though they may be, inspire our sympathy rather than our admiration. When a couple comes … Continue reading

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Couple Therapy, Part 2: “Naked and Unashamed”

In my previous blog, I discussed how a couple therapist serves as a “lifeguard” for relationships. The therapist calms the couple’s panic, listens empathetically and normalizes their experience of woundedness. As the couple and the therapist collaborate in the healing process, … Continue reading

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